I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
