Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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