For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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