we have officially lost it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
