I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize