what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
