I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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