He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she told me i tasted like america
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
