One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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