her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
