I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
