we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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