i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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