I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
