you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
