Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
