this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
