Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
