when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
