Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
