i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
