New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
