My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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