So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize