The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
