i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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