drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
