If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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