peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
