On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
