Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
