somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
