If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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