She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
