i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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