weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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