I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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