i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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