I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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