i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
