I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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