i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
