Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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