i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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