dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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