Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
