You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
