Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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