did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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