Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
