nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
