I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
