Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
