We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
