I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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