My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
