operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
