well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
