I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
