ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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