I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
