Im at strip club and am horny
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
