u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
