There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
