she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
