I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
