I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
