Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
