I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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