That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
