About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
