I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
