Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
