I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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