It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
