at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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