3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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