the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
