Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
