I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
