I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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