I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
