I wish I only lived at night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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