Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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