omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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