im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize