I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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