Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
