I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
