And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
