Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
