fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
