Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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