Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
