AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
