it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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