I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
