I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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