two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
