If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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