It's Friday. Sex?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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